she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
