i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Sext me about skeletons
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
