doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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