how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
