I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
i've created a new STD.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
