I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
