Already got asked if we're dating
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
