Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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