You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
