I could have mohawked her pubes.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
