There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
