Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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