I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
