would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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