Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
