He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
