White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
