At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize