my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
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