hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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