Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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