My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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