Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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