I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I could make wine with my vomit
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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