the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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