the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
