you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
