respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
