You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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