After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
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