My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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