is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
