the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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