I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
