She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
