they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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