Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
