apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
