Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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