DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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