I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
