I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
