I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
