He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
