You can't motorboat a personality
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
