it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
