Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
