His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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