he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Randomize
