I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
