I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
her vagine was all disorganized.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
