Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
