Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
