When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
