It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
