i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
