I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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