Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
