Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Sorry my hands just texted you
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
