i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
