Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
