This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
