I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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