Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
