My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
