so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
