We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
