I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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