apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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