went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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