Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
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