Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
