so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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