the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Randomize
