Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
