he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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