Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
We are two peas in an std pod
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
