VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
