so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
