none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
