i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
