I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
