i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Randomize
