she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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