look no pants
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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