i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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