She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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