just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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