I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
