I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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