p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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