I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
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